Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Every concussion has its silver lining
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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