my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
