I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
