I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
