New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
