a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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