What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
