i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
