I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
