my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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