so that wasnt chicken after all
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
