It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
