i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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