Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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