Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
