just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
