There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize