even my farts smell like vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
