apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
