Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
