I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
