My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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