I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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