Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
