i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
