even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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