whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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