it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
