one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
