This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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