Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my liver is dry heaving
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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