Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sarcasm needs its own font
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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