he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
