I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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