chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
