State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
