Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
