yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
