woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
