you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
