So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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