My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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