cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
