i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
