My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
