Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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