sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
