Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
