Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
