You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
