super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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