We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
