Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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