I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
