So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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