omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
