Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize