my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
