he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
