seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
