I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
