i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
