i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
