Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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