Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
