even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
