using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
