I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
