My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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