if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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