The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
