listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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