Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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